Ok. Yes. This is again about my infatuation na di ko alam kung may patutunguhan.
Shempre, it saddens me naman. Before it rarely bothers me a lot that I never had a boyfriend. Pero ngayon, it already does, and I am tempted, many times, to ask: What is wrong with me? hindi lang pala tempted, kasi nagawa ko na.
Alam ko naman, having a boyfriend is far from being a basic need. It's not as essential as air, water, food, faith, loved ones. Pero still.... you get the point.
A few times, someone came my way, wala lang, ginulo lang ang buhay ko. Painful actually. Kasi ilang beses, inisip mong baka pwede, tapos bigla wala na naman. Nakakapagod. I wasn't even given a chance to introduce myself more, or to get to know him more.
Pero at the same time, nakakapagod na rin maging preoccupied, at maging malungkot, about my status. About what I've never had, or felt. So ngayon, I'm shifting my focus na. Finally! Napagod rin ako.
Now Im just thinking. This last guy who disturbed my world, he really disturbed my world. Pero this also became a chance for me to finally break free from my trauma of rejection. It allowed me to take risks, to risk breaking my heart again, to accommodate someone. It became an opportunity for me to learn more about myself, about that part of me I wouldn't know about if he never came. I was left confronting my own weaknesses. Pero in a sense ok lang yun. Kasi I know I am not the same person anymore.
So I guess, di man ito magmaterialize, at least I got a lot of lessons from it. :)
