Life: Writing, Reading, Sipping Tea

Wow, it's been a month na pala since my last entry.

Today is 11 December, a Sunday. It's 1:30am. I am sitting at the dining area in our boarding house.

I just came home from Starbucks, where I sat for more than two hours, sipping tea while writing on my journal and reading "Sam's Letters to Jennifer" by James Patterson. After working for almost 3 weeks straight, I felt all the exhaustion only today. I slept the entire day; this rendezvous at Starbucks is another way to spoil myself.

It was just the rest I needed. I wrote calmly in my journal, and read my entry after I finished the novel. My handwriting was neat, and the entry, calm but honest. I had the time to really think some things through, and I don't mean just the guy who bothers my world, but more important stuffs and decisions I had to make.

The journal entry was like an "accounting" of my life now vis-a-vis where I had wanted to be. In some aspects, i got exactly what I wanted. But in others, I was nowhere near. And then, there were things I had to admit I only thought I wanted, but deep deep down, I am not ready for them.

This has to be one of my best journal entries. There were two lessons/realizations which finally had to sink in.

From one Christian activity I attended, one of the leaders said that God will not always move our mountains, but He will give us the strength to overcome them. Since I was a little girl, I had this one prayer. It was not granted, and it has not been granted so far. But it was important to me. Siguro, this is the point of surrender. I am no longer praying for things to change, just for me and my family to be stronger to face it. Now that I've said that, I actually felt more at peace. It's not lack of faith when You finally surrender something so important to you to God. I'd say it's trust. Faith.

When I finished reading the novel, I was also reminded of another realization I had one First Friday Mass where I read the First reading and responsorial psalm. Life may not always turn out the way we wanted or expected, but in the end, we will still be okay. We will do well. We will be alright.

So, as I made an accounting of my life, and realized that some things are not happening the way I had hoped, I assured myself: "Everything will be alright. God will take care of it."