Spiritual Workout Day 3: Following Him

Among the verses for Day 3, the one that touched me most was:

"Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there also will my servant be." (John 12: 26)

And I do not have much of a reflection. Only that following Him is usually difficult. At times you don't understand why something is not allowed. At times you have to go against what everyone is doing or believes to be right. At times you just feel like rebelling against the rules.

I just have one short prayer. For faith, that we may believe and obey though we do not always understand. For guidance, on those times when we couldn't figure out what we should do. For strength, to be able to do what should be done. For a capacity to forgive, others and ourselves, for the shortcomings. And when we falter, the wisdom to learn from our mistakes and stand up and start again. Amen.

Spiritual Workout Day 2: Love Lets You Choose

The readings for Day 2 brought to mind two things. One is that love lets you choose. The other is why it is difficult to choose right over wrong.

Love lets you choose

Let me relate this to my Day 1 post. We are in the heart of God. He loves us, but He never required us to love Him back. By giving us free will, He allowed us to choose to believe in Him, or to choose not to. So in effect, you can actually choose not to love Him back, not to pray, not to have faith. But He'd continue loving you and blessing you anyway.

What is beautiful about free will and unconditional love is that it allows you to grow, to learn things on your own, to make mistakes. An opportunity to understand why the rules say you shouldn't do this or that. I am not trying to defend sin or rule-breaking. I have just learned that some of us will not listen until we hit rock bottom, until we learn things the hard way.

But more than this, you are free to choose to love Him back. To accept Him into your life. While we are all receiving blessings whether we are believers or not, it is only when we open are hands and hearts to Him that some blessings are finally able to pour in. Like peace. Like more love. Like faith. Like more strength.

"When the soul is ready, the blessing will appear." God lets us take our time, until we are ready to accept Him, allow Him to be part of our lives. When we don't feel Him at all, it may not be because He is not there, but because we have not allowed Him to come in.

Trying to be good is not a guarantee of a happy life

I don't know if I am just being a bit pessimistic this time. But I have learned that being good and trying to do what is right is definitely not easy. Even if you don't mean any harm, people will find reasons to hate you. Even if your intentions are good, you will be misinterpreted. People you love and care for will not always appreciate what you are doing. Not to mention the pressure to do what is wrong just to conform. And of course, with our own shortcomings and lack of understanding, we will inevitably make mistakes along the way.

I was taught that God blesses both the good and the bad. But if this is so, why choose to be good? Mahirap kaya! And besides, they said following God will not erase your problems anyway (baka dumami pa nga eh!). So why follow Him at all?!!!

Actually, I don't have an answer, well at least not a religious one. To me, it boiled down to choosing to be the person you wish to be. It is a choice of character, of the kind of life you'd like to live, of the meaning you wish your life to have. The rewards of choosing good is in the choice itself--it shapes who you are and how you see yourself.

And while there is no guarantee that the good you do will always be appreciated, I believe it can go a long way. You will never know who among the people you met today you have touched, and will touch others in the future. Sometimes, the only way to thank God for His love is to pass it on.

Spiritual Workout Day1: God's Love for You

I saw this spiritual workout challenge from a blog I was browsing through (http://jonmanongdo.wordpress.com/ and http://bob-rice.com/). I decided I'd like to give it a try. I mean honestly, I do not see myself as a devout Catholic. But then I just wanted to do something for Him. I wanted to join the choir and sing, but then I'm not good at singing and I don't have the time yet to join a choir. I dreamed of one day playing the guitar during praise and worship, but I am yet to memorize the basic chords and learn how to do strumming, etc. But what I have always done better than music and sports was... writing.

So for now, this is how I serve Him... I shall write.

Day 1: God's Love for Us



I was reminded of a line from Jason Mraz's "God Moves through You."

Believe not God is in your heart, child/But rather you're in the heart of God

I grew up in a Catholic family, with my mom bringing us to church every Sunday and on days of obligation. I attended Catholic schools from prep til high school (actually until college). In those days, my faith, my beliefs were plain and simple. We had classes where we discussed Catholic teachings. Some I couldn't really comprehend. But I had faith, and at that time, I thought that was enough.

Life got tougher as I grew up. Until I learned to question God and ask Him "Why?" And I had a lot of questions too. I had sociology and philosophy classes, and they changed the way I looked at life, and even religion.

Honestly, in my own quiet way, I rebelled against God. I lost faith. But contradictory as it may seem, I sought Him too. I wanted to understand life and God better, so I read non-Catholic books, I was open to other religions. I wanted answers to my questions, I wanted to know how best to look at what was going on.

While I rebelled and asked questions, I also learned many things about faith, about life. I remember something I picked up from our theology class, that there are things that happen to us which break our old image of who God is, and lead us to another image of Him. What I went through broke my old image of God, and led me to a deeper appreciation of the things that happened in my life.

Another thing I learned was that as hard as it is to keep the faith when life seems to spin out of control, it is actually a lot more difficult to refuse to believe in God. Grabe. I got to a point when I felt so helpless I just cried, and a friend told me I keep trying to carry the burden on my own. Why not give the burden to God? And now I know she is right.

And! I realized there is no escaping God. Whenever I would look back at the past 27 years of my life, I realize that at many points I tried not to believe in God anymore, or at least I distanced myself from Him. I'd try to live life without Him. But I always get to a point when I either already feel like giving up, or I get tired of the emptiness. Then I would go back to Him again. And I'd feel better. Ewan ko ba. I still don't understand it completely. I am not one to surrender easily in life. But I do find peace whenever I am able to lift things up, whenever I pray, whenever I am able to force myself to accept I really can't do something on my own.

And these times when I am already talking to Him more often, I believed He must be in my heart already. But when I heard Jason Mraz's song, I realized it's the other way around. I am in His. And I felt safe.

I know that this kind of faith is not easy to understand for those who are nonbelievers. I know. I have been there. I AM there. I have been exposed to different ways of seeing things. Religion is just one of them. In many ways, believing in what you do not see, believing that the Bible is the Word of God, and all these things are hard to comprehend for the rational mind. And I did not want to believe what I couldn't first find as rational. But I thought, maybe faith is something I have to experience before I could understand. So I jumped right in (or I think circumstances gave me no better choice).

I will not pretend that everything makes sense to me now. Only that I am more at peace. I still do not understand God, but I believe in Him. I see problems in my life, and I also see the miracles. I am grateful for both (uhm, but of course more for the latter. :P) And I am glad that every time I got "lost" I was led back home.

Oh well, there really is nowhere you can go if you are already in His heart. In the end, wherever your feet brings you, your heart will lead you back. It knows its home. And when you come back, you'd realize you were never "away" from Him. Because when you look back at that time when you went astray, you'd recognize He had been there, making sure you'd be safe, because things could definitely have gone worse but they didn't. And you met people who helped you and guided you. He really watched over you.

With all these, how can you not feel loved?