Spiritual Workout Day1: God's Love for You

I saw this spiritual workout challenge from a blog I was browsing through (http://jonmanongdo.wordpress.com/ and http://bob-rice.com/). I decided I'd like to give it a try. I mean honestly, I do not see myself as a devout Catholic. But then I just wanted to do something for Him. I wanted to join the choir and sing, but then I'm not good at singing and I don't have the time yet to join a choir. I dreamed of one day playing the guitar during praise and worship, but I am yet to memorize the basic chords and learn how to do strumming, etc. But what I have always done better than music and sports was... writing.

So for now, this is how I serve Him... I shall write.

Day 1: God's Love for Us



I was reminded of a line from Jason Mraz's "God Moves through You."

Believe not God is in your heart, child/But rather you're in the heart of God

I grew up in a Catholic family, with my mom bringing us to church every Sunday and on days of obligation. I attended Catholic schools from prep til high school (actually until college). In those days, my faith, my beliefs were plain and simple. We had classes where we discussed Catholic teachings. Some I couldn't really comprehend. But I had faith, and at that time, I thought that was enough.

Life got tougher as I grew up. Until I learned to question God and ask Him "Why?" And I had a lot of questions too. I had sociology and philosophy classes, and they changed the way I looked at life, and even religion.

Honestly, in my own quiet way, I rebelled against God. I lost faith. But contradictory as it may seem, I sought Him too. I wanted to understand life and God better, so I read non-Catholic books, I was open to other religions. I wanted answers to my questions, I wanted to know how best to look at what was going on.

While I rebelled and asked questions, I also learned many things about faith, about life. I remember something I picked up from our theology class, that there are things that happen to us which break our old image of who God is, and lead us to another image of Him. What I went through broke my old image of God, and led me to a deeper appreciation of the things that happened in my life.

Another thing I learned was that as hard as it is to keep the faith when life seems to spin out of control, it is actually a lot more difficult to refuse to believe in God. Grabe. I got to a point when I felt so helpless I just cried, and a friend told me I keep trying to carry the burden on my own. Why not give the burden to God? And now I know she is right.

And! I realized there is no escaping God. Whenever I would look back at the past 27 years of my life, I realize that at many points I tried not to believe in God anymore, or at least I distanced myself from Him. I'd try to live life without Him. But I always get to a point when I either already feel like giving up, or I get tired of the emptiness. Then I would go back to Him again. And I'd feel better. Ewan ko ba. I still don't understand it completely. I am not one to surrender easily in life. But I do find peace whenever I am able to lift things up, whenever I pray, whenever I am able to force myself to accept I really can't do something on my own.

And these times when I am already talking to Him more often, I believed He must be in my heart already. But when I heard Jason Mraz's song, I realized it's the other way around. I am in His. And I felt safe.

I know that this kind of faith is not easy to understand for those who are nonbelievers. I know. I have been there. I AM there. I have been exposed to different ways of seeing things. Religion is just one of them. In many ways, believing in what you do not see, believing that the Bible is the Word of God, and all these things are hard to comprehend for the rational mind. And I did not want to believe what I couldn't first find as rational. But I thought, maybe faith is something I have to experience before I could understand. So I jumped right in (or I think circumstances gave me no better choice).

I will not pretend that everything makes sense to me now. Only that I am more at peace. I still do not understand God, but I believe in Him. I see problems in my life, and I also see the miracles. I am grateful for both (uhm, but of course more for the latter. :P) And I am glad that every time I got "lost" I was led back home.

Oh well, there really is nowhere you can go if you are already in His heart. In the end, wherever your feet brings you, your heart will lead you back. It knows its home. And when you come back, you'd realize you were never "away" from Him. Because when you look back at that time when you went astray, you'd recognize He had been there, making sure you'd be safe, because things could definitely have gone worse but they didn't. And you met people who helped you and guided you. He really watched over you.

With all these, how can you not feel loved?