"When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of..." It's a line from a song I liked.

But right now, I do not feel the message that song was supposed to send out. Pretty soon, I'm going to either snap or shut down. And probably the only things that's holding me together are (1) the few people who had been my sounding board lately; (2) my warrior spirit, although my well of hope had started drying up a long time ago; (3) my hope that God will reverse my misfortunes.

I honestly never realized that my decisions to pursue my dreams, be responsible, and make things easier for others will put me in this position. Ever. And I still do not see a clear sign that says: "Sure way out."

Pressure is coming from almost all directions. I am trying to bend without breaking. But damn it, if I get out of all these mess alive, I will never never forget this period of my life. Never.

Now, I will start making changes I need to make to get out of this alive. It will not be easy for me, and it will probably be even harder to people who would see me change. Pasensiya na, but there are lessons we all need to learn the hard way. I am really trying my best for my love to be both tough but gentle. Sana lang, I will always have a source of love and strength. Because right now, mine is running dry.

Pero what's new? Hindi naman ito first time na sinagad ako ng life. Pero sana sapat na yung mga dati. Hindi ko na kailangan malaman hanggang saan ako tatagal. Hindi na ako interested malaman. And what probably hurts most is pag wala ka halos masandalan, tapos kailangan mo pang maging matatag para sa iba.

Gusto kong sumigaw sa sobrang frustration! Oo na di perfect ang buhay. Pero naman! Sana pag sagad na tama na!

Pero shempre kailangan kong kumalma, at ngumiti. Kasi in a few minutes, I have a work-related meeting.