Life: I am a Researcher

I woke up early today to start preparing for our fieldwork. I forced myself to get up at around 530am. We finished with the courtesy calls, meetings, discussions, and drivethroughs in our study sites in Caloocan and Valenzuela at around 6pm. I arrived at the boarding house at 7pm. It was a long, tiring, yet fun day.

This is one aspect of my work life. Let me give you a broader glimpse of what my life is like, and some of the reasons why since I graduated in 2005, I have never left the social development and research world.

I am a researcher in a research institution of a university in the Philippines. Most of the researches I have been involved in were related to urban and social development concerns.

Several times, people have asked me whether I’m happy in my job. I graduated from this university in 2005, and have been in this kind of job, and within the same campus, albeit with two employers, ever since. As a researcher, I am project-based, and thus would not become a permanent employee of the university. There are other ways of becoming one, but that would also depend on my finishing my masters thesis, and a slot for a permanent position opening up in the department I’d like to be part of.

My employers have always tried to give me the best pay they could give, given the salary grade of the university. I have quite a simple lifestyle, so my pay should have been more than enough, except that I did have other responsibilities right after I graduated. I took sidelines on top of my day job—and those helped pay the bills and other responsibilities I had, my masters tuition and fees, plus a few things to spoil myself, such as a bit of travel. But compared with some of my batchmates, I am earning less, and with no tenure security, I actually do find myself at times with financial woes.

But let me now tell you why, even with all these, I chose to stay in this kind of work. Let me share with you what my everyday is like.

As a field researcher, I can go to the office any time I choose. I don’t get paid for overtime, but that’s okay. Hawak ko ang oras ko. I own my time, and I am in control of how I spend it. Being a night person, and being someone who resists rigid structures and rules, this setup is heaven for me.

There are days, weeks, and even months, when all you’d do is read, type, and write. When you’d have to go through papers, reports, over and over and over again, looking for this or that, making sure you understood things correctly, editing the report until it is as close to perfect as you can make it.

But each project is in itself a new challenge. There’s always something new to learn, a new place to go to, new people to deal with. Another aspect of society you could know, another aspect of yourself you’d have to enhance.

Some days are hell. You’d work your butt off to meet deadlines. At times, you’d get lectures for not being able to meet standards, or just failing to deliver. But some days are light. You can work at your own pace.

When you’re in the office, you’d have time to have lunch with your officemates. Many times during the day, you can share bits of stories, and food, or simply tease each other, or provide moral support when one feels burdened by life’s many complications and even one’s workload. Most of the time, you own your evenings and can spend it with family, friends, or you can spend the night reflecting or sleeping. Or you can take graduate studies.

Our office is located in a campus sprawling several hectares. The campus’ main road is lined with big trees. There are lots of open spaces. It’s a peaceful place. You can jog when you want to. You can take a walk. You can go to the church.

In many ways, research has opened my eyes to the realities of life beyond my comfort zone, beyond what I see everyday. My understanding of social problems deepened. It has at times further ignited my hope to be of help to others. There’s always that wish that while you can’t implement programs, the research that you do will one day be used to help other communities, or at least to testify to the resilience and the good will and perseverance of urban poor communities and individuals and groups involved in social development work.

There are times, especially when I’m asked to rewrite chapters of what I have written, when I just feel down, even incompetent. If I had a white flag with me, and my boss were in front of me, I would have waved it several times already. Unfortunately, if I wanted to be a good researcher, I have to seize the opportunity to learn how to do things well. Therefore, I have not yet bought a white flag, nor started making one. During such times, honestly, I drag myself to get the report done, knowing that most likely my boss will ask me to redo parts of the report again. (Sigh!)

Going on fieldwork means being on jeans and a shirt and rubber shoes—a far cry from the corporate attire. It means going where the people are—whether that be a government office at the heart of the city or one in the less developed areas of the country, a slum area in the city, or one located near a dead river, or in an area once used as a dump site. When you have to be out there, you’d be out there—whether or not the sun is shining, stepping either on dusty roads or muddy ones, walking both on concrete roads and narrow, winding alleys, or crossing bridges, whether these be concrete or makeshift. When you’re lucky, you’ll have a van to bring you to these places. But most of the time, you’ll have to take public transport: jeepneys, buses, tricycles, bikes.

This may all sound inconvenient. But this is a life I love. I am a researcher, and (supposedly) a social scientist. The world and the people I need to understand are out there. So I have to go there. Reading about the world is so different from learning and seeing things on your own. And after every project, you realize so much more, and you feel that you are able to learn so much more than what you have shared.

At times, I do dream of the corporate life. That dream has never completely left me. I wanted to often wear a corporate attire, even a coat, walk in heels, enter one of those skyscrapers or well-known offices in Ayala or Ortigas. Just wanted to know what it’s like to be sosyal most of the time. I guess I just wanted to know what else I can do, or can be, what else life can offer.

But for now, I am happy where I am. I need to write this down first, to explain myself to those who do not understand why I keep doing what I do, and second, to remind myself of the many perks of my job.

There are many things I have not mentioned here. Many people—colleagues, acquaintances, coworkers, friends, mentors, bosses—who make my stay worthwhile.

I do remember earlier this year, during a job interview (yes, when my previous contract was about to end, I did start looking for a new job), something I told the interviewer. It was also something I repeated to my sister today. Importante sakin na araw-araw, masaya ako sa ginagawa ko. Many would think of financial security first. To me, that’s okay, especially for those who have more responsibilities than I have. But financial security is only second in my list of priorities. I know what I want to do. I’d like to wake up each morning and feel happy, knowing that I am where I wanted to be. I’d like to stay in a path I believe in, one that matches my skills and my passion, because I believe this is also where I can contribute the most and have the highest chances of succeeding. And if life ends suddenly, I have less regrets, because I simply did not invest in a good future; I, at the same time, did enjoy the present.

To the reader, whoever you are, wherever you may be, I hope that you’d also know this kind of feeling and sense of fulfillment, if not in all aspects of life, at least on those that mean the most to you.

And if you think I am able to stay where I am because I am lucky, let me tell you that many times, there was no path immediately ahead of me. But when I chose to stay and keep walking (and kept praying), paths appeared where there used to be none. At times, you'd bump into people who would help open doors of opportunities for you. I did gamble. I did risk. I did cry. I did feel like I already wanted to give up. I do at times still feel frustrated.

To quote Paulo Coelho: “Dreamers cannot be tamed.” Well, at least not too easily. So let us be dreamers. And doers. Open yourself to the blessings that are yet to come.

Stay hopeful. Stay faithful. Stay blessed.