Work: Life Starts at 30

I am a researcher, and by my institution's standards, especially if I use as standard my mentor, I have a looooooong way to go to prove that I am really competent in this field. But I am lucky to have had good training, and several opportunities, many of which overwhelmed me, to improve or prove that I can be trusted with greater responsibilities, that I can be trained to handle more.

And for all these, for this phase of my life, I am truly grateful. I really am. Not everyone is given a chance to pursue a dream, and not everyone who pursues her dream gets there. So I consider myself a lucky one.

But a year and a half before I turn 30, in the last few months, or has it been years, I realize that while my career zoomed, other aspects of my life were almost on a stand still. Siguro, when I also moved to a boarding house, and took more risks in life, met some people who made me realize there is so much more to life than work. When people told me before that I am workaholic, I readily admit that I am. But I am getting to a point when I realize how much I have missed and am missing. My world, especially some parts of last year, literally revolved around my job. It was a crucial turning point for my career, and it was also a crucial turning point for how I would see my work and my life afterwards.

In the past, I want to do research, do development work. That was as clear to my mind as anything that I can see with my glasses on on a bright morning. I just loved it.

But now, my dreams shifted a bit. I love my flexible work hours (flexible meaning you don't have to always work in the office but you have to be ready to work more hours, or on weekends if the job calls for it). I love learning. I love going out. I just love it. But now, I also dream of hanging out with friends any day of the week, going out with my family, climbing mountains, jogging, getting involved in more physical activities, relaxing and having fun. All these things which I find so hard to incorporate into my life now because I lacked both the MONEY and the TIME.

Life at 30 is still vague. I kept saying I'd go abroad and be a fruit picker or work in a bar, serving either coffee or wine. I'd take a job that will not take away my nights and my weekends, and will not lead to the abuse of my brain cells. That's as clear as I could go. I also told a friend, I love my job, but if I cannot figure out a way to do this AND have a really fun life, something's got to give.

I know it is scary. I don't even know how to strike that work-life balance people always talk about while still earning decently. I don't really know what to do. But I am very certain this is not the way I want to live. I am not losing another relative or friend and go through feelings of guilt that I wish I had spent more time with them.

And the more I am able to savor life and spend more time having fun with friends, the more I realize I want this work-life balance dream to come true. At 30. Or better yet, at 29. Or even better yet, NOW. Because I might not even have tomorrow.

Oh, and by the way, I know it's midweek, but yesterday, after meeting up with my friend for an errand, we had dinner and watched Safe House. I ended up too tired to do anything productive when I got home. And just tonight, I was so disappointed with a person (work related stuff) I met up with friends to rant, and drank a bottle of beer (they chose Tanduay Ice and Antonov Ice). One lang naman. And we laughed while planning something. Something I look forward to. :)

Sweet life.

And the work I postponed doing? It was always at the back of my head. I know this has its consequences, but I needed to laugh, I needed to cheer up, I needed to be with people.

Later, I'll do that job again. And do it well.